introduction to SHAIST

This appears to be so plain right now. For the reasons that i just need to go back to writing so as not to suppress my thought and amardy feelings, i kind of like so over the html thing with all those icons and blinkies and in fact everyone's using it with all those free copy-paste code sites all over and i thought having a plain theme would make my blog different.

So!.. hi!.. Im Shandy. Im quite different now from what I used to be, for all those who knew me. I cant say i grew mature but myself, she grew deeper. I dont have an oh-so-pleasant life back in high school. Or I must say, I kind of dont like who Ive been. She's selfish and shallow and tried too hard and maybe if I wasnt myself? I would hate that person too. I have potentials for ADD (Attention Deficiency Disorder) hah! yeh, I so crave for attention but im not worth the attention so I became a "trying hard not virgin frustrated artist".

I like the person who I am now same as I miss the part of my old self. It is so safe, you know, not letting people in. It's like boys lie to fool you and girls lie to be a bitch. And i dont seem to trust anyone anymore even GAYS and LESBIANs alike. Everyone! They all lie!. Maybe that explains why im so into that cheesy TV series One Tree Hill. Cause there's a point there where Peyton said the exact same thing. And knowing that what i think and what I see is Im not the only one who thinks of it that way, kind of makes me feel better. Even if thats just a tv character, but still. I enjoy myself. I can be alone and still be happy. I dont feel lonely, I mean I can go to the movies by myself and still enjoy it? I actually love shopping alone too. I know better now and as Ive noticed, Its n0w becoming a habit. Its like whenever someone tries to let himself in, i shut my door. I taught myself that and now im used to it and i cant stop it anymore. I shut people who loves me out of my life. Theres too much explanations and i remember someone asked me, "what are those reasons?". I cant even tell her. I mean I dont even know WHY anymore. Is it normal that im not attracted to anyone anymore? Fuck that. Ive become so numb that I cannot love anyone back anymore.

But I think It's better than to be oh-im-so-depressed-vulnerable-me..right? this is better.=)